I'm....a bit different. I've never been one of the in-crowd, mostly because I've never been similar enough to other people to be readily acceptable. Never really had many friends, and I've been made to feel very aware of this when I was humiliated and victimised by a bully in school, a bully who no-one stood up to, and certainly not for me. Then, when I went back to college, I was now not only different, but older than everyone else. Maybe it was more of a difference to them than me, or maybe it was just more of a problem for me, still struggling to find some acceptance.
Then, I moved away from more general education, to the specific field I'd wanted to - the visual arts. And you know what? I found that acceptance. I was still very wary of it all, because I'd had the rug pulled from under me plenty of times before. But it was nice.
Then I did a pretty stupid thing. I let myself imagine that things were actually perfect, and someone who I seemed to make smile an awful lot, and made me smile, might be interested in me too. The whole thing was a mess, and made me a little crazy. It didn't end great when I couldn't accept they didn't feel the same.
What made it hell, was that there were a dozen people there to remind me every day that I was on the outside looking in.
In other words, that was the rug being pulled from under me, and pieces of it being waved at me every day. I really started to sink low again. My work was....non-existent as I tried to pick myself up in the face of alienation, I started to go to counselling, and I started taking anti-depressants.
Then, a year after that, I thought for a while I'd found someone, completely by accident, who fit the same, if not better, than what had happened in Art school. A short while later, she broke up with me for the second time, I fell apart, and so did my life. I still don't have many friends, but most of what I do have are far away, living their own lives. Me, I still can't wrap my head around the person I fell in love with being prepared to sick the police on me. I still can't figure it.
I go to therapy most days of the week, but for most of the day, I don't do anything. I can't draw, and I can't write, my mind constantly lives in fear of everybody's reactions to what I do, which is my way of presenting myself as who I am. So I sit. I chain-smoke these days, play some videogames, watch DVD's and tv shows. If I'm not living it up like that, I'm asleep, because I couldn't sleep the night before, because I'm too upset over everything. And I do, in fact mean everything.
Today, I slept in. Then I woke up to find Jac's dog Murphy having another fit. He's been having these for a couple of months, but this one was a shock, as it'd been a while since the last. So it happened, I comforted him like I normally do, and knowing what would normally happen, I shepherded him outside, where he urinated and defecated on the concrete. But then, it happened again. And again. And again. He also experienced these lesser "seizures", which are a portent to the fit that will follow. If he has a fit, he rolls over onto his side, his body convulsing while he cries in anguish and he foams at the mouth. When he comes to, he panics and has no idea where he is, who I am, or what his name is. A seizure involves him uncontrollably baring his front teeth(All of them) while staying on his feet, or however he was when the seizure started. His eyes look terrified as his head starts shaking violently, and he sends streams of saliva flying off in all directions, before coming to, exactly as he does after a fit. But then, after a seizure, he has a fit.
After around five of these fits and seizures to boot, I got desperate, and drove him to the vets, while using my left arm to stop him from roaming out of the back seat. He still had no idea what was going on, or who I was, or what his name was. We almost got to the vets, when he started having a seizure in the back seat, just as I parked. He was sitting there, rock steady, except for the wild movements in his eyes as they rolled around his head, and the shaking movement of his body. I had to drag him into the vet after that, such was his panic and fear at this confusing state. After what I would guess was half an hour of seeing the vet, I left the treatment room, Murphy being left with the vets for a couple of days. After a pep-talk with a nurse, where I slumped into a chair, and could do nothing but stare at the floor, I walked into the evening.
I walked home. My car stayed at the vets. I can't remember the whole thing, there are bits of my walk back to Jac's that I can't remember at all. But what I do remember was something crazy. I got back, opened up the pack of tabs I had in my hand, and I wanted to call Mel. I wanted to call the woman who was so delusional and offended by me, that she felt necessary to call the police on me, I felt like calling her, and just asking if we could talk, because I was just desperate for someone who already knew my name, to talk to me. And I would have, had I not deleted her number from my phone, and been unable to find it. And now I just feel a mess, because I don't understand my own idea to call her.
My name's Chris Johnson, and I don't feel so good.
Monday 26 January 2009
Saturday 24 January 2009
Excellent News.
The film adaptation of the story behind George Bush's smash n' grab bully to the top in 2000, is now available on iTunes in the UK. Enjoy.
Tuesday 20 January 2009
A letter to the PM.
So I decided to sign up to a Greenpeace initiative, whereby I seem to become a proxy land-owner of some of the land that Greenpeace bought in opposition to the Heathrow Airport expansion plans. The initiative also gave me the opportunity to send my thoughts on the matter to Gordon Brown. My own reasonings weren't entirely environmental, and involved a little grandstanding, so I have no idea if it will be forwarded to number10@gov.uk(Or whatever they actually use for der fuher's inbox). But, submitted for your approval, the copied and pasted text of my message to Gordon.
Dear Prime Minister.
I write to you as a concerned citizen. The recently confirmed plans to create a new runway at Heathrow Airport is the reason for this concern. I understand the need for expansion as underlying for future growth, but I cannot find any reason in me why Heathrow should be the answer.
Quite simply, Heathrow is being painted as a future "Transport Hub", a great airport to cement Britain's place in the future of not only Europe, but the world. Heathrow is not a great airport, and in fact is put to shame by many of the smaller airports throughout the nation. More than that, the problems an expanded Heathrow faces cannot, and will not be solved by the presence of a new runway.
The tawdry facilities throughout the airport, and general low standard of the site, are so low, that people have begun to complain about Heathrow, where once they would have bemoaned the state of Gatwick. The transit connections that currently exist are hopeless, and cannot hope to provide a valid route to air travel via Heathrow. The proposed new train link to Scotland is interesting, but bearing in mind the price to fly budget from any local airport to the capital is the same or less than any rail fare, a new rail link is superfluous - especially considering the shambles that the rail industry is in.
The environmental considerations are also present in my mind; There is no "green" treatment for an airport. Providing a new runway will work to make the airlines and BAA happy, but will only make the carbon footprint of the airport more significant. As for the emissions caps that are being bandied about in non-binding terms? They will not come close to covering the influx of new flights the new runway would create. And I say flights, not passengers, because there are always a massive amount of flights(Every day), that are far from full, many below half-full.
I've heard the argument put forward that electric cars would somehow offset the pollution from new flights arriving and departing an expanded Heathrow. But here's the thing. In order to prevent coastal towns falling into the ocean within my lifetime, carbon emissions need to be reduced massively, not passed around like you're trying to pay Paul by avoiding Peter. Electric cars are a start. Perhaps they'd do well if they were driving into a purpose-built, streamlined and well-thought, well-delivered new national airport in the Thames Estuary area. Or, failing that, to newly-equipped charging points in the car parks for the nation's other airports.
This plan, is ultimate folly. It has very little to create benefit for the country, only to benefit the introverted airline and airport cabal.
You are losing my vote, and speaking as someone both politically minded and blessed with a gift for words, you would be well-advised to hear these words.
Yours Sincerely,
Chris Johnson
Pronunciation You Can Believe In.
It's official, from 5pm GMT today, it'll be pronounced "Nuclear" again. As opposed to "It wasn't a lie, there really absolutely were Nuculer WMD's in Iraq".
Ask the person nearest you to say it.
Listen closely.
Do they say "New-clear"?
or
"New-Kew-Ler"?
"New-clear" = Smart Person.
"New-Kew-Ler" = Uneducated Hick.
(After Seth Meyers)
Monday 19 January 2009
The Wonders of The Inbox
The process of getting a game on PSN is completely separate between
North America and Europe, which is the reason the game has not yet been
released in the UK. We have been working hard getting through Sony's
process however and expect Episode One will be out in a matter of days.
All the best,
Joel DeYoung
COO, Hothead Games
Chris Johnson wrote:
> Is there any particular reason why Penny Arcade isn't on the UK PSN
> store? If there is, when can I look forward to buying it?
North America and Europe, which is the reason the game has not yet been
released in the UK. We have been working hard getting through Sony's
process however and expect Episode One will be out in a matter of days.
All the best,
Joel DeYoung
COO, Hothead Games
Chris Johnson wrote:
> Is there any particular reason why Penny Arcade isn't on the UK PSN
> store? If there is, when can I look forward to buying it?
Thursday 15 January 2009
Update.
I've been out of touch for a bit. I've been offline from MSN since December, my normal Email account(Which I think won't accept new messages while it's offline for now - text me if you want the new address) has around 1,200 unread messages, my old website is offline for now aswell, and I'm not using my phone much.
The website and email bit is because I need to renew my subscription to the service I had with those services.
The other stuff....well, I've been distracted a lot with Jac's dog, Murphy, who has been suffering convulsive fits since November, and it's heartbreaking to see, and I've usually been present with him when he's suffered the fits we know about. It's been a fair share of agony watching over him, getting frightened every time he moves, in case he's about to suffer another. And because we don't know why he's suffering the fits, we don't know how serious this is. It could, quite frankly, be life-threatening. The most popular theory seems to be epilepsy, which can be treated with medication that prevents the fits, but it's not guaranteed to be successful.
Then, last week, my Gran died. My Mother's Mother, to be specific. I didn't really like her that much, and I liked her even less as her mind went increasingly awry over the last few years. So much so, that even with a small cluster of family members left that I even see, never mind speak to, I haven't seen her in the last four years, except for Christmas things where her tantrums would be the most noteworthy thing.
So I didn't like her. But, this is pretty much the first time someone this close to me has died. All three of my remaining Grandparents are still alive and reasonably well, as are my parents. There's been around three times I can think of that death has landed quite so close to me. One was a guy I knew in 6th form, who died in the shower in his new uni dorm, not long after 6th form had ended. Then there were my two dogs, which hit me like a truck when they happened. Apart from that, I mean I've suffered loss in my life, including some utterly heartbreaking losses, but no other deaths. So for this to happen.....it's hit me. Not hard, but weird. I feel very much in turmoil inside, and I feel loss, but oddly I don't miss her. This may well be one of those things which makes you, the reader, think "That's an awful thing to say". Well, whatever. I'm just writing this up because I don't feel much like saying what I'm typing.
On the plus side I have a PS3 now, so there's stuff to keep me occupied at the moment. Fallout 3 is awesome.
I hope you, the individual who came here today, are well. And be true to yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some crisps with my name on them, and it took a lot to convince Jac to engrave my name on with food colouring, so if I don't eat them soon, she'll kill me.
The website and email bit is because I need to renew my subscription to the service I had with those services.
The other stuff....well, I've been distracted a lot with Jac's dog, Murphy, who has been suffering convulsive fits since November, and it's heartbreaking to see, and I've usually been present with him when he's suffered the fits we know about. It's been a fair share of agony watching over him, getting frightened every time he moves, in case he's about to suffer another. And because we don't know why he's suffering the fits, we don't know how serious this is. It could, quite frankly, be life-threatening. The most popular theory seems to be epilepsy, which can be treated with medication that prevents the fits, but it's not guaranteed to be successful.
Then, last week, my Gran died. My Mother's Mother, to be specific. I didn't really like her that much, and I liked her even less as her mind went increasingly awry over the last few years. So much so, that even with a small cluster of family members left that I even see, never mind speak to, I haven't seen her in the last four years, except for Christmas things where her tantrums would be the most noteworthy thing.
So I didn't like her. But, this is pretty much the first time someone this close to me has died. All three of my remaining Grandparents are still alive and reasonably well, as are my parents. There's been around three times I can think of that death has landed quite so close to me. One was a guy I knew in 6th form, who died in the shower in his new uni dorm, not long after 6th form had ended. Then there were my two dogs, which hit me like a truck when they happened. Apart from that, I mean I've suffered loss in my life, including some utterly heartbreaking losses, but no other deaths. So for this to happen.....it's hit me. Not hard, but weird. I feel very much in turmoil inside, and I feel loss, but oddly I don't miss her. This may well be one of those things which makes you, the reader, think "That's an awful thing to say". Well, whatever. I'm just writing this up because I don't feel much like saying what I'm typing.
On the plus side I have a PS3 now, so there's stuff to keep me occupied at the moment. Fallout 3 is awesome.
I hope you, the individual who came here today, are well. And be true to yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some crisps with my name on them, and it took a lot to convince Jac to engrave my name on with food colouring, so if I don't eat them soon, she'll kill me.
Wednesday 14 January 2009
Tuesday 13 January 2009
Palestine? No. Israel? No. Burnt out Crater?
It's amazing. The feeling of love that fills your spirit, the astonishing moment of clarity that comes from God, and following the righteous path to salvation.
It's amazing, that people still actually hold some sort of belief in such fiction. Yeah, I'm talking about Israel.
I honestly lose hope in humans when I read and watch the news on things like Gaza. Seriously, it's depressing. Mostly, because of how important it is, to pretty much everyone. I'd really like to say that it's important because there's some ancient machine hidden underneath the earth, and the key to activate it is somewhere secret in Bethlehem, or that there is a real demon under there, and both sides involved are on a quest to unleash the dragon that will smite all comers. Unfortunately, the truth is a lot less cool.
Both the Israelis and the Palestinians are very similar people, in terms of history. Both lost their homeland a long time ago, and to an extent, both became a roaming band of travellers. Many Jews ended up in Europe and Russia, where they became a mixture of accepted and ostracized in a variety of nations, but were very much ostracised after WWII. The Palestinians - and I'm not much of a historian, so forgive me if this bit is wrong(But I'd also love to know the real answer, so let me know if you know) - or at least the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip, are basically the leftovers from the Ottoman Empire that originated in Turkey, who controlled what is now Israel as recently as 1912.
Both believe that Jerusalem was promised to them by some derivation of the legendary bearded man who walks the clouds with/without dragons. You know, God. I don't know the reasons why, or the story of how it came to be written by crazy pre-historic bloggers armed with chisels and stone tablets, but that, and you really should already know that, is why we're here today.
Or rather, why both sets of people are in Gaza/Israel now. There's more history to it, and it's worth a read through respective timelines, but it was around this time in my reading, that I came to realise, I don't give a shit.
I don't give a lump for the history, because quite frankly, the history is what leads both sides to fight. Even though there are so very many people on both sides who were born well after the modern Israeli state was founded(1948), and so few remaining who were there, and even less who remember it, the fighting continues. And it really all comes down to he said/she said. The whole thing is like some housing estate dominated by two ideologically matched families, who hate each other's guts. And when you get down to it, nothing's going to make you more angry than when someone you hate kills a member of your family.
I've grown up through the news of terrorism. From weekly news of the IRA to Pan-Am 103, the Oklahoma Federal building to 9/11. And often enough, it's the case that there's a representation of a terrorist as an antagonistic minority, retaliating(For entirely personal reasons) against some kind of protagonist majority. Often enough though, there's plenty of blame to go around.
Israel, Gaza, stand up please? Because you've both got a whole lot of shit on your shoe.
I'm sure someone could point to where all this started. Some, defining, crystal-clear moment, where this monstrosity started, and perhaps say to me "Do you see now? The blame clearly lies with this party, not the other". Just as I'm equally sure that someone would also contend that said moment was untrue, or inaccurate, and that blame belongs with the opposite side. And I've seen it before. Not quite so succinctly as in Israel, but it's been the case for most of the last twenty years, that whenever someone from one side of the terrorism/freedom fighter aisle in Northern Ireland is shot at/beaten/stabbed or blown up, there is always someone to release a statement declaring:
"Good morning to the assembled members of the press. They started it."
The difference in NI, is that aswell as the oppressive British presence(What with all the walls, armed guard towers, armoured vehicles and whatnot), there are a variety of different factions who want, or in some cases wanted things differently, and were prepared to take up arms to do it. In Israel, it's fairly even between two sides. Exceptionally so, because both sides are crazy. Not just a mite unhinged, but suicide bombing for God, crazy. Only in different ways.
Israel, for a lot of my life, has had this weird, indelible connection to the USA. Practically every U.S. politician has stood up and said this line:
"Israel does, and should have the right to defend itself."
I'm never entirely sure why this is. Maybe there's some mysterious financial issue, such as Israel paying a large stipend to the U.S. annually. Who knows?(Again, if you do, leave a note.) To be honest, I'm fine with just saying it's a given for any politician to want to stay in office, or exceed their current office in a future election; So it stands to reason that none of them would want to alienate the electorate in any way. By the way, apparently America has a prominent Jewish population. What? You didn't know? For shame, haven't you ever watched television? My point is, it's hard for me to picture an America that doesn't support Israel no matter what. It's like someone heard a knock at their door, in comes some kid who claims to be the home-owner's son. Guy takes the kid in, treats him as though he is his son, while the kid turns out to be a dick, runs rampant through the neighbourhood, all the while the guy rebuffs any complaints of his new progeny with a dreamy look in his eye and a placid.....
"Boys will be boys."
So with what has been for a very long time, the most powerful nation in the world sticking up for you, you basically get to behave like an ass. Specifically I'm thinking the settlements in Gaza. Despite numerous attempts to remind the Israeli government that they agreed that the Gaza Strip is Palestinian land, and that their settlements in Gaza are illegal, the Israeli settlers in Gaza haven't all gone home and packed up. What's more, such is the anti-Israeli feeling in Gaza, that when the elections were held in Gaza three years ago this month, the more pro-actively violent half of Palestinian politics - Hamas - was carried into power. More on Hamas later, but suffice it to say, Israel and Hamas don't like each other much. So, Israel built a wall with guard towers around Gaza. And used it's navy to achieve control over water-borne access to Gaza. And possibly laughed at the fact that as Gaza has no airports or aircraft, so the Israeli air force had no problems with air-superiority. And then used a series of checkpoints to control who goes in, and who goes out of Gaza. Often enough, you'll find there's no people travelling in either direction. Just munitions flying overhead in both directions.
Then there's the Palestinians in Gaza. They're much more your common-or-garden, seen 'em on the news so many times, burning some country's flag for the camera, crazy. Actually thats a pretty broad generalisation. There are, apparently, moderates in Gaza, and one can only assume that there are some people who don't believe in violence at all. They'd be the people who voted for other candidates in January 2006. Candidates other than the ones who represented Hamas. You can go read the Wiki entry for Hamas if you like, but they have a lot in common with pretty much any group that feels quite so radical as to mount a war against another nation using suicide bombers and pretty indiscriminate rockets. If you were wondering, Hamas won 44.45% of the popular vote, the relatively tame opposition party Fatah getting 41.43% - But breaking it down by district, Hamas secured 74 seats in the ruling council, Fatah only 45.
I don't know if reeling off the list of things Hamas has done has any point to it. Anyone who has owned a television, radio or computer, or read a newspaper in the last quarter century will have their own memories of the atrocities committed in the name of Hamas. And overall, it may well be the case, that either in terms of bodycount, or any kind of more gelatinous 'feel' for who has been a bigger dick, Hamas may well win out. But I'm still struck by something. I have no idea what Israel thinks it's doing. I've seen the news reports, read the stories, but I have no clue what they're doing. I've most recently seen an alarming insight into the mindset of a number of people in Israel, and how much they seem to be defiantly in support of their nation's invasion. Some - who seemed to be hick Americans, who were they Christian would rightly be mocked for being crazy and with a thin grasp on reality("God will protect us") - seemed actually gleeful at being able to sit in the crowd while the explosions went off in the distance.
Israeli announcements have been sporadic, but initial ones, aswell as some current explanations, cling to the line of "Israel has a right to defend itself", aswell as "They started it"(With a rocket). There have also been stories that Israel is trying to crush Hamas in one fell swoop. This is one part of history that I do care about, because there is no evidence, in all the times it's been attempted, that violence in any form, can be permanently fatal to a political movement. This is true if for no other reason than that the Taliban still exists, as does Al-Qaeda. Say what you will about tactics, but as long as there are people ready to take up the cause of a dead family member or friend, a bomb or a bullet won't kill an idea.
There's a popular theory that Israel is running down the clock of the Bush government(Oh aren't we all!), and is attempting to unleash such a massive onslaught before President-Elect Obama is sworn in, because Obama seems to be.....perhaps not quite so on-side with the crazy person called Israel. In effect, it's like a council spending all the money it has left in the budget to create a speed-bump that is 60ft high. Not sensible or useful, but if you don't do it now, you'll never be able to do it.
The theory is the only one I can make out as being possible. Hamas were pointed to as the blame, for firing rockets into Israel. Hamas then laid the blame back from whence it came, by pointing out that they live in near-destitution in a large form of prison camp. Which, if I can take a moment, is irony for Israel. A nation founded as an end result of the holocaust, only for their will to be visited on another people in Israel's backyard. Again, I don't care about who fired first, or who felt they had the best reason to fire. I'm really just aware that this, as it stands, can only get worse.
If, as is hoped, Israel agrees to a ceasefire, Hamas is unlikely to stick to it. Despite the bombardments and newly in-place ground forces, the followers of Hamas will likely be emboldened and enraged at the murder of so many Palestinians. If Israel continues to wage war on Hamas, then it will get undeniably worse, for several reasons.
First, the people of Gaza. I have sympathy for the people of both Gaza and Israel, principally because I'm against death. There, I said it, I know I'm going to get letters, what with it being such a controversial thing to say, but I'm not down with the death tip. But the threat of death is immensely greater for the people of Gaza. While impossible to verify, the current total number of deaths in this current spat, since it began in December, is nine hundred and eighty four. Apart from it's Orwellian aftertaste, the most interesting thing about those numbers is how they break down. By which I mean, thirteen of them were on the Israeli side, nine-hundred and seventy-one on the Palestinian side. Not on the Hamas side, but on the Palestinian side. While the majority have been reported to be Hamas militants, around half of the dead, are civilians. I read something as I sat down an hour ago to write this:- It was on the BBC News ticker. It said that Israel felt that Hamas was not targeting military targets, but was firing indiscriminately. Obviously that's crazy. Obviously, only Israel should be allowed to fire indiscriminately. I mean, that's how the hundreds of civilians died, right?
Secondly, the people of Israel. If this conflict continues, and either escalates with the involvement of a stronger resistance, or dwindles with the near-defeat of Hamas, then new pieces will be introduced to the board. Explosives of various kinds and sizes have been Hamas' weapon of choice thus far - from I.U.D.'s to mortar shells to unguided rockets, primitive and cheap are stock in trade. If the rumours are true that entire nations such as Syria and Iran are strong supporters of Hamas, then other kinds of weapons, such as more technical war machines, or chemical weapons may well find themselves in the hand of an increasingly desperate group of already crazy people.
And if things get to that state, then grab your party hats and sparklers, because then all hell will be close to breaking loose and blowing out the candles. Because then, you've got several Arab nations, several of many nations, that don't like Israel at all. Mostly because of Israel's swagger, which came naturally from having America standing behind it. And then, quite frankly, it might be WWIII.
But lets not get ahead of ourselves. This kind of prognostication has existed for longer than I have, and regardless of how this plays out, the worst may well never come to pass. So let's treat this for what it is. A group of crazy people forced into a small space with no doors, poking a notoriously over-defensive nation, who are just looking for an opportunity to recreate the Balkan conflict in the Middle-East, all in the name of freedom of religion.
I'm beginning to feel a glow inside of me now. Which is good, I'd rather be killed by the blast than the radioactive fallout. Which puts me one step above most people on either side of the fight in Gaza. They all just seem to want to die, regardless of how it happens.
Can't we all just....get along?
It's amazing, that people still actually hold some sort of belief in such fiction. Yeah, I'm talking about Israel.
I honestly lose hope in humans when I read and watch the news on things like Gaza. Seriously, it's depressing. Mostly, because of how important it is, to pretty much everyone. I'd really like to say that it's important because there's some ancient machine hidden underneath the earth, and the key to activate it is somewhere secret in Bethlehem, or that there is a real demon under there, and both sides involved are on a quest to unleash the dragon that will smite all comers. Unfortunately, the truth is a lot less cool.
Both the Israelis and the Palestinians are very similar people, in terms of history. Both lost their homeland a long time ago, and to an extent, both became a roaming band of travellers. Many Jews ended up in Europe and Russia, where they became a mixture of accepted and ostracized in a variety of nations, but were very much ostracised after WWII. The Palestinians - and I'm not much of a historian, so forgive me if this bit is wrong(But I'd also love to know the real answer, so let me know if you know) - or at least the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip, are basically the leftovers from the Ottoman Empire that originated in Turkey, who controlled what is now Israel as recently as 1912.
Both believe that Jerusalem was promised to them by some derivation of the legendary bearded man who walks the clouds with/without dragons. You know, God. I don't know the reasons why, or the story of how it came to be written by crazy pre-historic bloggers armed with chisels and stone tablets, but that, and you really should already know that, is why we're here today.
Or rather, why both sets of people are in Gaza/Israel now. There's more history to it, and it's worth a read through respective timelines, but it was around this time in my reading, that I came to realise, I don't give a shit.
I don't give a lump for the history, because quite frankly, the history is what leads both sides to fight. Even though there are so very many people on both sides who were born well after the modern Israeli state was founded(1948), and so few remaining who were there, and even less who remember it, the fighting continues. And it really all comes down to he said/she said. The whole thing is like some housing estate dominated by two ideologically matched families, who hate each other's guts. And when you get down to it, nothing's going to make you more angry than when someone you hate kills a member of your family.
I've grown up through the news of terrorism. From weekly news of the IRA to Pan-Am 103, the Oklahoma Federal building to 9/11. And often enough, it's the case that there's a representation of a terrorist as an antagonistic minority, retaliating(For entirely personal reasons) against some kind of protagonist majority. Often enough though, there's plenty of blame to go around.
Israel, Gaza, stand up please? Because you've both got a whole lot of shit on your shoe.
I'm sure someone could point to where all this started. Some, defining, crystal-clear moment, where this monstrosity started, and perhaps say to me "Do you see now? The blame clearly lies with this party, not the other". Just as I'm equally sure that someone would also contend that said moment was untrue, or inaccurate, and that blame belongs with the opposite side. And I've seen it before. Not quite so succinctly as in Israel, but it's been the case for most of the last twenty years, that whenever someone from one side of the terrorism/freedom fighter aisle in Northern Ireland is shot at/beaten/stabbed or blown up, there is always someone to release a statement declaring:
"Good morning to the assembled members of the press. They started it."
The difference in NI, is that aswell as the oppressive British presence(What with all the walls, armed guard towers, armoured vehicles and whatnot), there are a variety of different factions who want, or in some cases wanted things differently, and were prepared to take up arms to do it. In Israel, it's fairly even between two sides. Exceptionally so, because both sides are crazy. Not just a mite unhinged, but suicide bombing for God, crazy. Only in different ways.
Israel, for a lot of my life, has had this weird, indelible connection to the USA. Practically every U.S. politician has stood up and said this line:
"Israel does, and should have the right to defend itself."
I'm never entirely sure why this is. Maybe there's some mysterious financial issue, such as Israel paying a large stipend to the U.S. annually. Who knows?(Again, if you do, leave a note.) To be honest, I'm fine with just saying it's a given for any politician to want to stay in office, or exceed their current office in a future election; So it stands to reason that none of them would want to alienate the electorate in any way. By the way, apparently America has a prominent Jewish population. What? You didn't know? For shame, haven't you ever watched television? My point is, it's hard for me to picture an America that doesn't support Israel no matter what. It's like someone heard a knock at their door, in comes some kid who claims to be the home-owner's son. Guy takes the kid in, treats him as though he is his son, while the kid turns out to be a dick, runs rampant through the neighbourhood, all the while the guy rebuffs any complaints of his new progeny with a dreamy look in his eye and a placid.....
"Boys will be boys."
So with what has been for a very long time, the most powerful nation in the world sticking up for you, you basically get to behave like an ass. Specifically I'm thinking the settlements in Gaza. Despite numerous attempts to remind the Israeli government that they agreed that the Gaza Strip is Palestinian land, and that their settlements in Gaza are illegal, the Israeli settlers in Gaza haven't all gone home and packed up. What's more, such is the anti-Israeli feeling in Gaza, that when the elections were held in Gaza three years ago this month, the more pro-actively violent half of Palestinian politics - Hamas - was carried into power. More on Hamas later, but suffice it to say, Israel and Hamas don't like each other much. So, Israel built a wall with guard towers around Gaza. And used it's navy to achieve control over water-borne access to Gaza. And possibly laughed at the fact that as Gaza has no airports or aircraft, so the Israeli air force had no problems with air-superiority. And then used a series of checkpoints to control who goes in, and who goes out of Gaza. Often enough, you'll find there's no people travelling in either direction. Just munitions flying overhead in both directions.
Then there's the Palestinians in Gaza. They're much more your common-or-garden, seen 'em on the news so many times, burning some country's flag for the camera, crazy. Actually thats a pretty broad generalisation. There are, apparently, moderates in Gaza, and one can only assume that there are some people who don't believe in violence at all. They'd be the people who voted for other candidates in January 2006. Candidates other than the ones who represented Hamas. You can go read the Wiki entry for Hamas if you like, but they have a lot in common with pretty much any group that feels quite so radical as to mount a war against another nation using suicide bombers and pretty indiscriminate rockets. If you were wondering, Hamas won 44.45% of the popular vote, the relatively tame opposition party Fatah getting 41.43% - But breaking it down by district, Hamas secured 74 seats in the ruling council, Fatah only 45.
I don't know if reeling off the list of things Hamas has done has any point to it. Anyone who has owned a television, radio or computer, or read a newspaper in the last quarter century will have their own memories of the atrocities committed in the name of Hamas. And overall, it may well be the case, that either in terms of bodycount, or any kind of more gelatinous 'feel' for who has been a bigger dick, Hamas may well win out. But I'm still struck by something. I have no idea what Israel thinks it's doing. I've seen the news reports, read the stories, but I have no clue what they're doing. I've most recently seen an alarming insight into the mindset of a number of people in Israel, and how much they seem to be defiantly in support of their nation's invasion. Some - who seemed to be hick Americans, who were they Christian would rightly be mocked for being crazy and with a thin grasp on reality("God will protect us") - seemed actually gleeful at being able to sit in the crowd while the explosions went off in the distance.
Israeli announcements have been sporadic, but initial ones, aswell as some current explanations, cling to the line of "Israel has a right to defend itself", aswell as "They started it"(With a rocket). There have also been stories that Israel is trying to crush Hamas in one fell swoop. This is one part of history that I do care about, because there is no evidence, in all the times it's been attempted, that violence in any form, can be permanently fatal to a political movement. This is true if for no other reason than that the Taliban still exists, as does Al-Qaeda. Say what you will about tactics, but as long as there are people ready to take up the cause of a dead family member or friend, a bomb or a bullet won't kill an idea.
There's a popular theory that Israel is running down the clock of the Bush government(Oh aren't we all!), and is attempting to unleash such a massive onslaught before President-Elect Obama is sworn in, because Obama seems to be.....perhaps not quite so on-side with the crazy person called Israel. In effect, it's like a council spending all the money it has left in the budget to create a speed-bump that is 60ft high. Not sensible or useful, but if you don't do it now, you'll never be able to do it.
The theory is the only one I can make out as being possible. Hamas were pointed to as the blame, for firing rockets into Israel. Hamas then laid the blame back from whence it came, by pointing out that they live in near-destitution in a large form of prison camp. Which, if I can take a moment, is irony for Israel. A nation founded as an end result of the holocaust, only for their will to be visited on another people in Israel's backyard. Again, I don't care about who fired first, or who felt they had the best reason to fire. I'm really just aware that this, as it stands, can only get worse.
If, as is hoped, Israel agrees to a ceasefire, Hamas is unlikely to stick to it. Despite the bombardments and newly in-place ground forces, the followers of Hamas will likely be emboldened and enraged at the murder of so many Palestinians. If Israel continues to wage war on Hamas, then it will get undeniably worse, for several reasons.
First, the people of Gaza. I have sympathy for the people of both Gaza and Israel, principally because I'm against death. There, I said it, I know I'm going to get letters, what with it being such a controversial thing to say, but I'm not down with the death tip. But the threat of death is immensely greater for the people of Gaza. While impossible to verify, the current total number of deaths in this current spat, since it began in December, is nine hundred and eighty four. Apart from it's Orwellian aftertaste, the most interesting thing about those numbers is how they break down. By which I mean, thirteen of them were on the Israeli side, nine-hundred and seventy-one on the Palestinian side. Not on the Hamas side, but on the Palestinian side. While the majority have been reported to be Hamas militants, around half of the dead, are civilians. I read something as I sat down an hour ago to write this:- It was on the BBC News ticker. It said that Israel felt that Hamas was not targeting military targets, but was firing indiscriminately. Obviously that's crazy. Obviously, only Israel should be allowed to fire indiscriminately. I mean, that's how the hundreds of civilians died, right?
Secondly, the people of Israel. If this conflict continues, and either escalates with the involvement of a stronger resistance, or dwindles with the near-defeat of Hamas, then new pieces will be introduced to the board. Explosives of various kinds and sizes have been Hamas' weapon of choice thus far - from I.U.D.'s to mortar shells to unguided rockets, primitive and cheap are stock in trade. If the rumours are true that entire nations such as Syria and Iran are strong supporters of Hamas, then other kinds of weapons, such as more technical war machines, or chemical weapons may well find themselves in the hand of an increasingly desperate group of already crazy people.
And if things get to that state, then grab your party hats and sparklers, because then all hell will be close to breaking loose and blowing out the candles. Because then, you've got several Arab nations, several of many nations, that don't like Israel at all. Mostly because of Israel's swagger, which came naturally from having America standing behind it. And then, quite frankly, it might be WWIII.
But lets not get ahead of ourselves. This kind of prognostication has existed for longer than I have, and regardless of how this plays out, the worst may well never come to pass. So let's treat this for what it is. A group of crazy people forced into a small space with no doors, poking a notoriously over-defensive nation, who are just looking for an opportunity to recreate the Balkan conflict in the Middle-East, all in the name of freedom of religion.
I'm beginning to feel a glow inside of me now. Which is good, I'd rather be killed by the blast than the radioactive fallout. Which puts me one step above most people on either side of the fight in Gaza. They all just seem to want to die, regardless of how it happens.
Can't we all just....get along?
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