Autumn/"Fall" 2009 TV In Review

So here it is, that special time of year, where we either enjoy the company of others and the gifts we exchange, or wonder why we don't have "better" friends and less family members, and whether or not the receipt for the gift is important. I'm taking a break from the madness of working out how a Boxer Dog's head fits together for some drawings(It makes no sense!), to write up a summary of how the last five months or so of TV have come along. I've only got so much time in the day(Twenty four isn't really that much when you factor in staring at the walls through your tears or sleeping the crying off for ten hours), so my breakdown list isn't by any means comprehensive, it's really just stuff I've enjoyed, stuff I've not, and stuff that's just up in the air, waiting to either become truly impressive, or fall apart and be cancelled. A fair chunk is purely American TV, because the Radio Times can do you a list of how many episodes of Dr. Who were good this year(Or realistically, simply put them in order of preference), and which insipid costume drama was the most "lovely".

I don't like giving stuff a grade, so you're going to have to read the thing, but to simplify it, I've sorted out three different categories; You Should, Maybe, and Doesn't Matter.

Things that fall into "Doesn't Matter" are things that will go on without you, and will drift along with the bare minimum of quality or interest. Some look for TV to be wallpaper, so if you like that, pluck yourself into a cannonball shape and plunge right on in to the deep end of mediocrity with those.

"Maybe" is something that really sits in no-man's land; Perhaps it came on strong with an excellent pilot, or has all the working parts necessary to make a very good, if not great tv show, but all the same it just seems to suffer for the most part. Having said that, the moment you aren't watching a show like this, you can guarantee someone you know will tell you "You missed that one? But it was the best episode EVER of ALL TIME!".

"You Should" are shows that if you're not watching, you should at least give it a chance. Some of these I imagine most people have been, or will be watching, whereas others have eluded many, many people, mostly on grounds of genre, such as "I don't like Bikers", or "Isn't that just the X-Files? I don't need another X-Files", or "F***ing AMERICANS", and are missing some of the best stuff on offer.

And just so we're clear, if you like, or even regularly watch "The X-Factor", then give yourself time to bathe in an icy bathtub, scrub yourself with wire wool, go outside in the winter air with as little clothing as possible(A back garden will help with this), turn around six times before spitting, and GET A GRIP.

"You Should"

If you've not given yourself a half hour to experience the new sitcom "Modern Family", then find out how you can do so. From the word go, this show has been a newly-forged gem of peerless quality. I'm not going to say "It's the best show since ", or "it's even funnier than ", because I'm not bloody Paul Ross. Also, if you need something like that as a recommendation, there's something wrong with you. The basic premise of Modern Family, is a take on what the modern family is; Divorced swine of a grandfather, now newly married to his buxom and gorgeous Colombian bride, who brings her overly smart young son with her, and the Grandfather's two children's families - The daughter who married for love and not for smarts or money and their three kids, and the son with his husband and their newly adopted daughter. Even if you don't laugh as much as you think you should, this is comedy with a heart, and quite frankly, I'm smitten.

However, it isn't a patch on the love I feel for "Sons of Anarchy". If you are one of the people who fall foul of "I don't like Bikers", and haven't watched this show yet, then go back a couple of paragraphs and follow the advice I gave for people who "enjoy" X-Factor. This is hands down the most complete television show you can find, with solid directing, great scripts with both dramatic storylines aswell as nuanced characters with relationships that feel real, and an ridiculously talented and well-cast collection of actors and actresses to bring it all to life - which they do IN SPADES. Based loosely around the overall story of Shakespeare's Hamlet(Young prince+dead father+suspicions over father's death+new king), which ties it together as an overall story, every episode sees the motorcycle gang otherwise known as SAMCRO(Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original), as they run their legal and illegal businesses through the small Californian town of Charming, which is more or less their own kingdom. Like most of the shows I watch, it's a serial, so each episode needs to be seen in order to make sense, but if you've made time in the past to watch quality American drama like "The Sopranos" or "The West Wing", or perhaps you liked "Sons of Anarchy" showrunner and creator Kurt Sutter's previous work - "The Shield" - then I IMPLORE you to make time to watch the best show this season, and the best new show from the last two years.

If it hadn't been for Sons of Anarchy, then my favourite show last year would have been "Fringe", the "X-Files knock-off" I alluded to earlier. Ok, so they both tread similar ground, with Fringe answering the "WTF?" moments with "It's super-science!", or "It's from another reality!", where the X-Files would say "Aliens!" or "Double-secret conspiracy!", and the all-too-willing man from the fringe of credibility paired with the scrupulous government agent-turned believer is probably the main reason for the comparisons. But I would actually say "Fringe" is the much better show. Partly because after a while, I started to feel that the guys behind the X-files had no idea how to wrap things up. There were all sorts of mysterious occurences that were being controlled by mysterious people, but after a while it felt like that had been pasted into the script by writers who didn't know how to finish their story. Fringe, for the most part, has been all about the overall arc, and linking threads together. The first season holds up MUCH better than the second(Which I'm guessing is because FOX, who pays for Fringe, isn't a fan of shows that can't simply be picked up by people who didn't watch last week, and weren't planning on watching it next week), so this season has had me doubting. But I will stay true to the show, because of the performances of John Noble. The show is good, even without every episode touching on the longer story, but even if it was bad, John Noble as Walter, the mad scientist who lost his mind(Quite literally, as it turns out), would be enough for me. I'd only seen him in the Lord of the Rings sequels before Fringe, but this man is Australia's Brando, and his touching moments, when he struggles with the confusion that clouds his brilliant brain, or suddenly remembers a tragedy from his past, I tear up. Quite literally, the best screen presence on a screen right now, whether it's a 10mm LCD, a 30-inch Plasma or a 100ft projector screen.

Oh, and if you've never seen the show before, watch the first season through. The finale of season one is....really quite something, as Walter would say.

I'm not going to spend much time on "Mad Men", because by now, EVERYONE has heard of it, and I'm ashamed to have come to the party so late. It's a strange show in some ways, because of the unutterably slow pace of it all. In some ways, it's more reminiscent of a BBC period drama, and if I ever needed a reason to stop watching, it would be that. But I haven't, and will soon look to get the earlier seasons on disc, to catch up. Watch it. Even if it's slow, even if some people complain that the show's take on history isn't accurate to real life in some small ways, you really should watch it.

Similarly, if you've seen much American TV, hopefully you're familiar with "Parks & Recreation", a show similar in style to "The Office", starring ex-Saturday Night Live star Amy Poehler. If you don't know who this is, she's the one people would regularly argue as "funnier than Tina Fey" when they were both on the show.

The shows I'm rounding off the category with, are shows I doubt many have heard of. Partly because outside of the country they're made in, most people don't get a chance to see them. I doubt that'll be true for long in the case of "Bored To Death", the latest HBO show to win my affection. Featuring a cast of Jason Schwartzman("Rushmore", "The Darjeeling Limited"), Ted Danson("Damages", "Cheers", 1996's "Loch Ness") and Zach Galifianakis("The Hangover") as a bored, pot-smoking writer who moonlights as an unlicensed private investigator, his listless, pot-smoking editor, and his friend, who has a car and smokes pot. It has a strong cast, and a wry wit, which is what I'd expect for a show that has John Hodgman as a guest star.

"In Plain Sight" is one of the most mysterious shows I know of. Mysterious, because I've yet to see it on British TV, and I have no idea why. I'm restricted to internet viewings only, and while it may not be as intense or deep as some of the other shows I love, it really hits the spot. Mary, played by Mary McCormack("The West Wing", "Murder One") is a a federal agent working for the witness protection program, and you'll go to see the cases and the spunky wit. You'll stay for the experience of being able to hate someone's family, completely guilt-free. At least until season three, when apparently the family stuff will take a back seat. Booo. Great little show though.

Everybody knows about panel shows, so love them or hate them, you know where you stand with them. I love the good ones(Screw you, "Argumental"!), including "Never Mind The Buzzcocks", so I was surprised when I found a show with many similarities, being broadcast in Australia. I've had an on-off love affair with antipodean tv from the last year, having been knocked head over heels by "The Hollowmen" a couple of years ago, so it is with great pleasure that I can say that "Spicks and Specks", now in it's fifth season, is a good 'un. Presented by regular UK panel show and all-round funny Australian type Adam Hills, it's a bit gentler and of slower pace than Buzzcocks, but sometimes the unusual novelty rounds really do the trick, and some of the guests they have, such as one of the organisers of Woodstock, can be INFINITELY more appealing than some tosspot pimping his new album by appearing on Buzzcocks. You've not seen it, but you should.

"Maybe"

The pilot episode I enjoyed the most this autumn/fall, from a lineage that has featured some of my favourite genre tv from the last decade, has unfortunately slipped into the "Maybe" pile. "Stargate Universe" is the third live-action tv show based on the premise first introduced with the(Quite frankly rubbish) Kurt Russell/James Spader action film(There have been four tv shows, but one of those was a really, really awful cartoon set in the future and everybody dressed like they were going to the gay bar we never see in James Cameron's "Avatar"), and I really loved the first episode. And for most of the rest of the season so far, I've been merely patient. I mentioned before that "Fringe" had been dodging the larger story this season, in favour of one-off, so-called "monster of the week" episodes, and while SGU has no monsters to speak of, it fails on a similar level. Perhaps it's a sign of greater interference from non-creative directors and producers to make it "mainstream", which is to say make sure everything's back to normal before next week's episode, so it doesn't upset people. If there's a theme to television at the moment, I'd say it's that, but I digress: SGU has no John Noble, but if anything, seems to have more potential than Fringe for exciting, dramatic, fraught storylines. Put simply, it's LOST, but in space. Not "Lost In Space", mind you. Beginning with a number of modern Stargate references, a new Stargate destination is connected with from a base that is about to be destroyed, so the survivors evacuate through the Stargate, into the unknown, which turns out to be a super-intelligent, unmanned space-ship, that for thousands of years has been journeying from our Milky Way galaxy, out into the universe at large, which means they have no immediate way of returning home.

It's not that I don't like the show, I do, and the mid-season finale was the best since the pilot. But its been treading water, with no clear plan, or imminent danger other than "This week we've run out of water/food/air/patience with someone/privacy/etc". The rumours I've read about the episodes in the second half - if true - should lead to the conflict this show needs, but I've also read that the mid-season break will be akin to the most egregious breaks that LOST has ever taken - It's off until April, apparently - and that can only hurt.

The only other "maybe" is a comedy show starring a guy you won't know about unless you've seen E!'s satirical news round-up "The Soup", or the recent Matt Damon film "The Informant". "Community" is an ensemble comedy hinged upon Jeff, a wise-ass lawyer who was ordered to obtain a proper "legal" qualification to resume his career, and he has to go to a local community college to do it. The ensemble can be a lot of fun, and while it might take a little while to truly find it's feet, its looking good so far.

"Doesn't Matter"

For various reasons, it just doesn't matter if you watch these shows or not, they're either dead or dying, and in some cases just dead to you, but for the shows on this list that are still running, it won't matter if you don't watch them, they're going to run no matter how many people change the channel.

Simon Mayo has had a lot to say about "FlashForward" lately, and here's the thing; The show is garbage. Rubbish. Refuse. Offal. Yet it's still on the air.

"FlashForward" is....I honestly don't know what it's about, because I think it really can't decide what it wants to be about. The pilot was all about the entire human population of the planet blacking out simultaneously, with most of the people experiencing some kind of memory of a day in the future, some of which overlap, while some experienced nothing, making them terrified that this means they'll be dead by then. More recently the show has delved into a few other things, such as the nature of fate vs. free will - Is the future pre-determined, or can we change it if we know what is supposed to happen? - but most of these other themes have been like black pepper on a dog turd. Sure, it'll taste better, but you're still chewing on a dog turd. I've given up on FlashForward, and I'll not be back this season. It was billed as "LOST, but for people who aren't very clever", but it has so far been "LOST, but for people who don't like TV". It won't matter if you don't watch it, because it won't get any better while you're gone, and it probably won't last long enough for any creative thought or talent to turn things around.

Which explains why I haven't watched "Heroes" at all this season, and no matter if even the people I feel closest to, or the people I most respect(The two are not mutually exclusive) recommend it to me, I'm not to be tricked by that show again. I fell for Heroes from the first day, when Peter Petrelli fell off the roof. Nowadays, I wish he'd fallen all the way, because it's become painfully clear that Heroes is what would happen if a comic book were to be adapted for TV by the worst writers and directors from the crappiest American daytime soaps. The whole thing DRIPS along, with no clue as to what a human being is, or even what a character is - I say this because pretty much everyone in this show not only changes their mind, but COMPLETELY reverses themselves on absolutely everything, at least once an episode. At one time they had the best villain on tv, now they've got a swiss army knife with caterpillar eyebrows. I've heard lately that the original plan from season one, is to be implemented on some level for this season. The plan was, back in the day, for everyone to die or simply not feature, past the first season. Problem being, everyone lost their nerve, and decided that because the audience seemed to like some of the characters they had, they couldn't possibly. The new problem is, that I don't believe the rumours that these characters will actually, y'know, GO AWAY. I'd prefer they die, horribly. All of them. But I'd be happy if the next season simply had a new cast list, with no old characters returning. But this show is a lot like former Newcastle United chairman Freddie Shepherd. Every pre-season, he'd speak to the press about fantastic new signing he was bringing in to see the team do better. Consequently, we'd not sign anyone of any talent. Maybe a few young players, and pay over the odds for some very average players, but they'd be massive disappointments after the hype Freddie had given us. Then, after we'd witnessed our hopes being dashed, he'd do the same thing again next season.

No more. "Heroes" might be capable of mending it's ways. But I've been hurt too many times before, and I can't keep coming round to watch it repeat the same awful travesties it promised me it wouldn't do again.

Come to think of it, that's probably why "Dollhouse" has been cancelled, and suffered such awful ratings. If only Joss Whedon had been able to capture us with a great debut season, it could be limping along tragically, like Heroes. I know you're thinking "Hang on, if you don't watch it anymore, how could you know how bad it is?". Simple answer; like the relationships we all have regrets about, I like to know how things are going these days. So I read the reviews now and then.

"The Mentalist" is something I simply don't enjoy, so I'll be blunt; If you like the main character of Patrick Jane, then fine, you'll enjoy every episode - they're all more or less the same. I wake up when they move the "Red John"(The serial killer and crazy genius who killed Patrick's family, therefore causing his motivation to solve crimes) plot along a bit, but let's be honest, it's not going anywhere. Which is regrettably the same way as I feel about the current, most likely final season of "Supernatural". "Supernatural", I love. I have one season on iTunes downloads, one on DVD, and another on Blu-Ray(All of which I gleefully recommend, especially the Blu-Ray version), and I was looking forward to the climactic season, set around the war between the armies of heaven and hell. And I'm still waiting for that to happen. There's been several episodes where soldiers from one side or another have featured, several where Lucifer has been prominent, and the recurring theme of "Where is God? Is he dead? Because he would be great if we could find him." has been around almost every episode. But all of these things have been fleeting, and "monster of the week", once Supernatural's bread and butter, seems out of place. Almost like padding, or like when you're meant to be saying something, but you can't remember it, so you blather and try to remember what it was while you play for time.

It won't matter if you don't watch "The Mentalist", because if you've seen any of them, you've seen them all. It's a procedural cop drama set around a whimsical central character, but the whimsy is there to distract you from the fact that it's an average procedural cop drama, much like the misdirection that Patrick Jane practices often. And it won't matter if you're watching Supernatural right now, in fact I'd be happy if it got less viewers, so we can be sure that this is the last season, as planned by series creator Eric Kripke. And then, once it's over, you should go out and get all five seasons of it.

Again, there are other shows out there, some of which have been cancelled already after premiering this season, while others, such as NCIS LA remain weirdly on-air, there are some that prove to be enduringly good, such as "House M.D."(When the dynamic between House and either Wilson or Cuddy takes the driving seat), and some stuff like the modern version of V is a bit like when someone buys you "art" for Christmas; For now it just sits there, and it'll take a little while before you figure out whether it was worth trying to find a place for the damned thing, or if you should have just put it in a cupboard until the gifter visits.

The World of Tomorrow...

I only know a little about the year to come, I can say I'm disappointed in the long gap before Stargate Universe returns, but I'm dying for the final season of LOST. New shows that might be worth a moment include Battlestar Galactica prequel "Caprica", showcasing Admiral Adama's father and the birth of the Cylons, "Human Target" which is an adaptation of a graphic novel that takes liberties with the source - once a guy who changes his face and identity to fulfil his bodyguard commitments is now the same guy with a different ID card every week - starring the boyfriend from the pilot of "Fringe", and...well, that's it. If nothing else, the final stages of this era of Doctor Who should be worth a few hours. Before emo-haircut Doctor takes over from not-scottish-mac-spritely. I guess the best TV show I can look forward to from a British broadcaster will be Newswipe, Screenwipe or even a potential return for Gameswipe, all from the droll, genius Charlie Brooker.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, a lovely Pancha Ganapati, a Hanukkah filled with Chinese food, a simply peachy Islamic New Year, or whatever the hell you want to call the period and what you fill up the time with, but have the kind you want with the tv or movies you want. Or, if you feel like being a freak of nature, have one with real people. Me, I'm off to see if I can find a computer program that will show me frame-by-frame how the flesh on a Boxer dog's head works, because at the moment the best I can do is think of it as a clam doing a Marlon Brando impersonation.